My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
