why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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