pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
