omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
