trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
