Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
