He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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