The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so let's talk penis.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
