I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
