So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
