we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
