There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
