I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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