why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
