Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
