No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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