you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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