So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
