last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
