there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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