Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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