No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
