apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
