So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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