I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Life is so much better after having sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
