I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
