i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
