my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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