Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My ass is underappreciated
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
