I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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