I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
