I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
