I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
