her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
