the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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