i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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