I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
