I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
