there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
