Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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