i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
