OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
