I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
People in love make me want to vomit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
