Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
