Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
