How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
