I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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