When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
