I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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