so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
