I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
