my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
