it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
