Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
