I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
