just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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