You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
