Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
