He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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